Sunday, February 19, 2006

Could you put that on a spreadsheet for me?

I hate not knowing the future. I've been like this my whole life. I want the blueprints, complete with notes so I can prepare. I want things perfect, in order and thought out. This is exactly why God put the people in my life that he did. I married a Marine. We never know what's going on. Are we going? staying? promoting? war? I work for the youth pastor. Ha! Everything is last minute. Impulsive. Change of plans. I produce the edgier service on Saturday nights. Nothing goes as it should. We're constantly doing sound checks at 4pm and making sure the video feed works at the last second. The service is at 5. I'm running around at 4:45 wondering where my tech guy is. Last night, the live feed died. No explanation. Died. I'm learning to go with the flow. I still don't like it. My kids have helped in this area of my life. They sure don't fit into the little boxes I'd like them to. They spill. They leave trails behind them. They're impulsive. They don't keep a schedule much longer than it's been implemented. One of my favorite parts of the day is when they're strapped into their carseats and we're on our way somewhere. This is the only time where I have complete control. No one is sitting on me or spilling their milk or wiping their with blueberry yogurt covered face on my couch.

Major things are happening this year. We're pretty sure we're moving. Will a house be ready for us? Will we have decent neighbors? Will we get a spot where we can put a fence up so my kids can play safely in the back yard? Bill is trying to get into the career academy for work. We won't know for sure if he's in until the day the academy starts. If he's in, how will he do? Will he be promoted this year? If he is, where will we be going next as his current post only rates his current rank and he'd be bumped out? How am I going to survive yet another deployment so soon after he's returned from the last one? We're starting another capital campaign at our church...the place of my employment and where a lot of this family's free time is. How much will we be led to give? Will we be obedient? Trey's ready for kindergarten. He doesn't turn five until the fall. Should I keep him in preschool another year? Will he do better academically/socially/physically if he's five going on six in kindergarten or should we put him in at 4 going on 5 and have him be one of the youngest but still the tallest in his class?

Have you seen those fliers made by Tupperware where they show you how good your pantry could look if you omit the bags and boxes food comes in and put everything in color coordinated Tupperware? That's how I want my life. I feel like someone came in, opened every item in my pantry, stirred it all together and threw it haphazardly back in, cramming the door shut. Now I'm trying to sort through everything and fit the pieces neatly in little containers. Do I need bigger containers or do I need to accept the freeflowing chaos?

2 comments:

Judy said...

Whoa Nellie! Take a breath! Girl, you and I are so much alike - I LOVE ROUTINE AND ORGANIZATION!!!!

Any hopes of a Texas move?

If you want to email me about Trey and kindergarten, I have TONS of advice...not sure it is what you want to hear, but Travis is 6.5 and in kindergarten...his birthday made the cut-off to start last year, but I had made the decision long ago to hold him back. As a former junior high teacher...I can enlighten you, but only if you really want to know.

AIDEN said...

Dang Jennie. Praying for OCD probably isn't healthy. How boring would it be to have the live of Adrian Monk? Chaos and clutter just lets you know you are still there. Just take a weekend and force your self to pull everything out of your "pantry", clean it and put it back the way you think it should be. It will never stay that way but it will make you feel better for a few. Oh, and by the way...you could have named your boy Willyoubemy. Duh, huh, huh, huh. Adam you are so funny!