In the midst of Christmas parties, performances and celebrations, my office has a yearly tradition: the White Elephant. Don’t know what the White Elephant game is?? Look here. Some people are nice and bring useful things, gift cards or something that maybe they don’t like but someone else most certainly would. Not us. Working for a youth pastor and the rest of the youth staff includes much sarcasm and prank pulling.

One year, the prized possession most fought for was a Snickers bar. The next year it was a giant stuffed Cookie Monster. This year, the most memorable gift was not the most sought after. One of the guys at the party was second in line to pick a gift from under the tree. He asks his buddy if the blue package he’d picked out was the right one. What? You can’t do that. No baiting the choice of the gift opener! After he’d opened his prize, it was completely obvious why he was led to open his gift.

The paper comes off and inside is a package with one pair of tightie whities. As if that weren’t funny enough, “Balls of Fury” was printed on the crotch in bright red. Mark* opened the package, held them up and revealed the size 42s and loudly read the undies, “Balls of Fury!” That sent everyone over the edge. It’s funny on its own, but we’re at a work party. Not just a regular work party, but we all work at a church. He can’t stop there and proceeds to put them on over his jeans.



As we’re sitting on couches and chairs, it’s so very obvious that Mark is sitting at a higher elevation than the rest as he’s on a bar chair and any time anyone looks in his general direction, “Balls of Fury” is yelling at you and you can’t help but stare at his crotch.

Somehow in the game, my boss is next in line to receive these opened goodies and Mark peels them off. It’s hard to not imagine him doing this as part of his normal routine. My boss hesitantly receives them and then places them on his head.

The one who brought the offending gift ended up opening an old flight suit and proclaimed that he’d received a onesie. That was quickly stolen by one of the other guys in the group. The thief of the ‘onesie’ happened to have his wife at the party as well. Guess what she wanted to steal? The balls of fury underwear. She proceeds to put them on over her jeans and parade around for all to see.

Then the inappropriateness started. Kim’s* husband, the one with the flight suit started with the comments about what they would be doing later than night…

…

He said he’d play Top Gun and she could be Captain Underpants. Wow. I never really wanted to know that. Now you’re in the know as well!

This was definitely one of the more memorable White Elephant exchanges I’d been to. Being married to a Marine, I’ve seen way more inappropriate gifts given and stolen, but it made my day!

Here's the actual crew I work with every day!

The Rubix Cube? Oh, I have no idea. I mean, look at his hair. It explains so much!

*Names have been changed to protect ME from random google searches by these people.