How to Wash a Car

Set up Pack 'N Play in the garage with an assortment of toys, but not too many or the baby can get overstimulated.

Gather items such as sponges, squeegee, car wash and bucket and place in driveway.

Reel the hose out of the garage and wonder whose idea it was that a garden hose or spiggot is so darn un-aesthetic that it has to be put in the garage where it does no one any good and must have a bucket underneath the faucet in order to catch the drips.

Get mind back on idea of actually washing the car.

Go inside and pick up baby and tell preschooler that it's time to clean the car.

Listen to preschooler tell you five times in thirty seconds that he wants to use the blue sponge.

Say oKAY just when you think the vein in your head will burst from repetitive information from the small person.

Put baby in Pack 'N Play. Listen to baby cry when you walk away.

Hose car down. Repeatedly tell preschooler "no" when he repeatedly says to you, "I wanna do it!"

Do not make eye contact with baby while she is whining pathetically amongst her expensive toys which she is now throwing out of Pack 'N Play.

Begin to wash the car. Wonder what preschooler is doing on the other side of the car. Realize he is also "washing" the car, with his requested blue sponge.

Rinse off the part of the car that was just washed before moving to next section.

Exclaim loudly to preschooler to please not wash where mommy has just rinsed. Go back on the other side.

Repeat last step six times.

Pretend that you are watching preschooler every time he says, "Mommy. Watch this!" as he repeats same motion but thinks it's more interesting the next time he does it. Yes, the sponge sticking to the car with the physics of car wash is extremely interesting. Good job, honey.

Rinse off car while continuously telling preschooler he can water the grass as soon as you're done using the hose. Continue to ignore whiny baby in the garage that has absolutely no interest in the carefully selected toys for her entertainment.

Give hose to child to water the grass which doesn't need it due to the sprinkler system but realize he's occupied and try to dry the car quickly as baby is full on screaming now and it is echoing throughout the neighborhood. Hope that the nosy neighbor on the corner doesn't call CPS for neglect.

Yell at preschooler to move further onto the grass since he is getting the newly dried side of the car wet.

Give up momentarily and drag both children (one sopping wet and one finally saved from abandonment) in the house and prepare a quick dinner for them. Put in a VeggieTales video, set down plates of food and return to car to clean windows and put away car washing supplies.

Have preschooler run out of the house five mintues later asking to water the grass again and going into mini meltdown when you tell him no. Divert with promise of chocolate pretzels.

Finish putting all car washing supplies away and pull car into garage.

Start dinner for yourself and *tsk* loudly when preschooler asks what you are making for him.

Vow to just spend the $10 next time and have someone else do it.